Humor

Dear Friendless Freshman,

I would never tell you to not be yourself, as far too many of your peers are likely doing that already. It does seem, however, that you may be exaggerating the extent to which others bore or bother you. You say that you don’t love being around people, but that you would like to make friends. Well, with that attitude, it is easy to understand why some people may not want to be your friend.

If you truly don’t enjoy the company of others, you may have just been surrounding yourself with the wrong kinds of people. There are always going to be others who you just can’t get along with (like the clan of "Others" led by Benjamin Linus on ABC’s "Lost") but, if you look hard enough, I’m sure you will be able to find at least one other person in Sherwood’s student body who is interested in the same things as you are—and who knows, they may even be interested in you.

A great way to find someone like this is to join a club or two. Every morning, morning announcements spokespersons Rachel Lewis and Shakir Lyon give us a thorough report on the clubs that are to meet that day. If one of these interests you, it’d be advisable to stop on by!

-Nancy

Dear Nancy,

I’ve been friends with this girl for practically my entire life, and now, all of a sudden, she practically wants nothing to do with me. She’s started hanging out with the "popular" kids and whenever I see her she just ignores me. What can I do?

-Old Friend

Dear Old Friend,

Ah, the classic childhood-friend-scorned-for-popularity. Cases such as yours have been well documented in both television and the movies. Let us not forget that Lizzie McGuire was once great friends with the show’s villain, Kate Sanders, and Janis Ian, from "Mean Girls," called Regina George her friend before a disturbing rumor was spread in eighth grade.

Clearly she does not want to be friends with you any longer (I mean, take a hint, sis), so there are several other courses of action you could take. One of which would be to seek your revenge. Obviously, if you know of any students transferring from South Africa in the near future (a la Lindsay Lohan), you could have them try to infiltrate the group of your former friend and wreak havoc on her way of life. Somehow, I have a feeling that such a plan could end badly, however, and, unless you enjoy jungle-inspired hallucinations and girls getting hit by buses, you may want to try something else.

Seeing as she has been your friend for a long time, there must be something you know about her that she would like to be kept a secret. And, nowadays, with technologies like Facebook and Twitter, putting some permanent rouge on her face is easier than ever... not that I would ever recommend something like that.

Ultimately, you’re just going to have to move on with your life and leave the burn book in the closet (literally and figuratively). You deserve better than a friend that would treat you in such a manner and just like "Friendless Freshman," you should start looking in Sherwood’s many clubs, and you should also strengthen friendships with your other friends.

-Nancy